Ben's Blog

My bad day… not so bad.

2008-05-01T20:46:00.001-07:00

It was a Monday. We (the band) had just returned the night before from a weekend retreat where we led worship for youth. Mondays were always hard after a weekend of playing music because we all return to our “regular” jobs. I had been battling some sinus stuff that weekend and by Monday morning it had turned into a mucous coated sore throat. Sunday night I decided to sleep on our futon so that I would not disturb Rachel with my hacking and I realized by Monday morning that the futon, though pleasant to sit on, makes a terrible bed. Normally I wake up to an alarm clock, however, this morning I woke at 8:00 to a screaming 17 month old who, any other morning, would have slept until 9:30 (I know, some of you parents are thinking ‘8:00? That’s sleeping in. It’s not in our house). Not a good start to the day so far. In the words of Alexander, “I just knew it was going to be an awful, terrible, no good really bad day.”

Throughout the rest of the day I experienced the frustration that comes from instance after instance of things not working quite right. For example… the paper towels were ripping in the middle instead of ripping along the perforation like they were supposed to. My computer worked too slowly. My shoes weren’t both in the same place when I went to put them on. My foot caught the top of the baby gate EVERY TIME I stepped over it. Jadon was in a bad mood (probably because I was) which made things a little more difficult. I found myself trying to rationalize with him while I was making his breakfast. You see… he was crying because he was hungry, but I told him very plainly that when I put him in his highchair, that means he is going to eat soon and he doesn’t need to continue making that annoying sound. It makes perfect sense to me. Anyway, amid the whining I also tried making some business calls which became frustrating due to the fact that I was losing my voice. Then, on top of everything, I was running late all day.
I work part-time for Wells Fargo and I went into work expecting things to go poorly, and they did. My customers were inconsiderate, my boss was critical, and it was really busy (which left me no time to beat my record on Tetris). We ended up leaving work late because of last minute customers and last minute requests from our boss.

There’s this CD series I’m listening to called “From slavery to son-ship” which helps us understand that we don’t have to live like orphans, trying to get everything we can just to survive, but that we have a Father who loves us deeply and is looking out for us. We can just be sons and daughters and live in expectation of the love and provision of our Heavenly Father. As I drove home from work I began using this knowledge against God, saying things like, “I feel like an orphan today! I don’t feel like your beloved son.” “Why couldn’t you make this or that work out for me, I thought You loved me like a son!”

To add injury to insult, during practice that night I had a little argument with my wife. This was doubly frustrating because, not only were we arguing, I had trouble making my point because I was losing my voice. I was really looking forward to this day being over!

At the end of the day, after everyone left and Rachel and Jadon were in bed, I opened up my laptop to check my e-mail. I noticed a message from a good friend asking me to call him and thought ‘It’s odd to get a message from him this late… I hope nothing is wrong.’ My good friend and his wife had finally become pregnant after several years of trying. I found out that night that they had lost the baby. I consoled him over the phone and offered my prayers and thoughts and anything else they would need for that difficult time. I stood up with a dull ache in the pit of my stomach. I walked up the stairs and into my sleeping son’s bedroom. As I looked down at him in his peaceful rest I began to weep. I remembered the words I had said, ‘I feel like an orphan today! I don’t feel like your beloved son.” How could I have been entrusted with such a beautiful life and not be a beloved son? How could I have been given the woman of my dreams, a comfortable home, gifts and talents that I enjoy so much, the list could go on… and feel like an orphan?
I am a beloved son. I don’t think it’s wrong to feel frustrated. It’s an honest reaction. I hope, for me, that I will not allow my frustration to get in the way of taking care of the orphaned hearts God has placed in my life.

Dustin, we love you

2008-04-02T05:05:00.001-07:00

Hey folks,

Just wanted to give you an update on Dustin... about a week ago I talked to Dustin on the phone and he shared with me that he felt God calling him out of Progeny. He felt like God really wanted him to focus on his family in this season of his life and that he has a peace about the whole thing he can't really explain. We're sad for him to go, but we believe God has BIG things for him and because of his obedience to the will of God he is in a position to receive the blessings of God!

We now have a new drummer that we are working with and we will introduce him to you in time.

Dustin will finish out a few dates with us however, so if you can make it out be sure to tell him goodbye. Maybe even give him a bear hug :)

I'm so stinkin lazy!!!

2007-11-17T22:41:00.000-08:00

I was sitting up here at my computer, feeling a little thirsty. I've become picky with drinking water though... I don't really like it straight from the tap. I prefer the water that comes out of the filtered dispenser on my refrigerator. It tastes better (I think) and it's a few degrees cooler. I was thirsty, but I didn't want to walk all the way downstairs and into the kitchen, and dirty another glass just for some water. I'm battling some allergies, so I went downstairs anyway to get the allergy medicine. I decided to get the small glass instead of the large glass.

As the cool, refreshing, filtered water filled my glass I remembered Mark Hall's (Casting Crowns) talk with us about his trip to a third world country where the children would travel down into a valley where water would gather from the surrounding terrain, then they would travel back up with the water, and sometimes make this trip a few times/day. And this wasn't water to drink, this was just water to bathe themselves, to water their livestock, and to clean their clothes. The drinking water was another mile or so away.

This is worth knowing:

Casting Crowns Video

A Poem

2007-09-23T21:10:00.000-07:00

There's a line in a song that says "it's a slow fade" talking about the "fading" of relationships over time and that it is so important to keep watch over the covenants you have entered into in your life, and to trust in the grace and power of God in restoring brokenness.

covenants do not dissolve as does alka-seltzer

not right before your eyes...
unless you're filming a documentary
and following in disguise
Of course you'd have to predict it
know the signs early on
maybe start filming before
the covenant has officially begun
Then how long to you have?
2 years or twenty?
What will you do with the down time?
You will surely have plenty

No, they fade over time though they seem to break suddenly

Who can see the heart?
Who can know the minds of men
Who can see the start?
It grows silently like a tumor
When finally seen, accelerating and consuming
Becoming a complicated web
So hopeless and confusing
You never hear the crescendo
Just the triumphant collision
You hardly know the questions
Before you're faced with the decision

Chase the foxes out of your garden.

How much care do you take?
with small things day to day
What do you forsake?
To feed your selfish ambition
Don't put it off another day
A covenant is not a convenient thing
Yet the impossible still finds a way
To break through our apathy
In and out of season
With or without passion
Sometimes it's even better without a reason

Covenants are kept not by our strength but by His

We are cursed and gone astray
The covenant of life was broken so easily
We cannot even make a way
back to the light that created us
In this hopelessness we cry
The Father hears and answers
And sends his son to die
And we are being saved,
Our broken covenants are being restored
To him and those to whom we've pledged our lives and our love
When we recognize and live in the forgiveness of a wage we could never afford.

A post before bedtime

2007-08-06T21:40:00.000-07:00

I told my wife I was coming right to bed, but I've gotta put something up here so here it is...

My wife reminds me daily how patient and understanding she is because I show her daily how selfish and retarded (yes, retarded) I can be.

My son is amazing. He's so strong and fearless (I think he gets it from me) yet he's so dependent and trusting. He expects and believes that we will take care of his needs.

I am so thankful for these wonderful people who bring so much light and joy to my heart. God, forbid that I would ever in any way forsake this wonderful family.

Study Material... If I could just make faces like that when I play

2007-07-09T21:49:00.000-07:00

Welcome

2007-07-03T05:28:00.001-07:00

Welcome to my blogspot